A NEW YEAR

It has been very difficult for me to update the blog this last month. Just the thought of celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas without Bruce was very hard for me and everything surrounding those holidays reminded me of him....it made the void so much bigger and the loss of him very painful. It took everything I had (and didn't have) to focus on the children and making it special for them during this Christmas break...the first without their Daddy....the first without my husband. This has been the toughest, most draining thing I have ever had to do and wasn't sure how-or if-I was going to make it. Not only did I make it, but WE made it....the Alexander Family....the A TEAM!

We were able to go to Palm Desert, CA for 11 days, Dec 23-Jan 3. Thankfully our flight was out of Eugene so the ice, snow and cancelled flights in Portland did not affect us! It was the best thing for us to get away and do something totally different over the Christmas/New Year Holiday....making new memories as our new "family of five". We stayed in a friend's vacation condo and much to our surprise, they had put up a tree, stocking hooks, a manger scene, mantle greenery, presents under the tree and numerous other things to help us feel warm, welcome and at home during this very unanticipated and unpredictable season. We were indeed blessed!

Our main agenda while there was.....to not have an agenda! We stayed up late, slept in (Pearce not so much), read tons of great books, played games, watched lots of football and old movies, went on golf cart rides, chased hot air balloons, swam in the pool, played sand volleyball, played hoops, threw the football around, hit a few tennis balls, the boys golfed, the girls got manicures and pedicures...basically, we all just hung out together and had plenty of down time in sunny and warm California. There were some tears, some laughs, alot of reminiscing and special opportunities for "new memory making" during our first Christmas without Bruce. The kids all verbalized on New Year's Day that it really made a difference to be away from home-it helped them to not miss Bruce so much....but, at the same time, they kinda felt bad for not being as sad as they thought they should/would be. They all thanked me for a fun vacation and a great Christmas.....just hearing those words was the best Christmas gift I could have asked for!

2008 is behind us and 2009 lies wide open before us. A few thoughts cross my mind as I ponder this:
~No matter what year it is, I can only live one day at a time, really one moment at a time...and that is exactly what I plan on doing.
~My pain did not suddenly disappear with the close of 2008, but I can hope for peace, joy and healing to replace some of it in 2009.
~2008 was a year of "survival". I want 2009 to be a year of "living".
~Bruce was with us in 2008 and even though he cannot be physically present with us in 2009, he will always be loved and NEVER forgotten!
~JESUS CHRIST IS THE SAME YESTERDAY AND TODAY AND FOREVER!

Looking forward and upward with hope,
MBA